Tille's Site

What you don't want your sysadmin to say

After reading "What you don't want your sysadmin to say" on Rikske's homepage, I suddenly got some inspiration. These are some remarks that didn't make my users too happy... ;-)

• What??? OK, let's do it the hard way then!
• The airco isn't supposed to spray ice, is it?
• Me? Oh, I'm not worried. If management doesn't listen to my advice now, they automatically will within a week.
• I didn't suppose anybody would be working at 10 p.m., so I used all system resources to do the backups.
• What is al that rumour I hear about static charges destroying computers? Surely this magnetical field is far worse.
• I removed that package last week, you should use this more advanced program instead.
• (drinking coffee in the cafetaria) Yes, it's down. Yes, I'm working on it. Yes, I know you're on a deadline.
• It's taking a little longer than I thought...
• Can everybody log out within 5 minutes?
• So that's how they do it! That's why we've been having (mumblemumble...)
• If I knew how it worked, I would fix it, right? So let me read this manual.
• (in a quiet voice) Ow shit.
• Ah, the fuck-up fairy has visited us again!
• No, it's against my principles.
• I don't care, I can't be having with that nonsense on MY network.
• You've got vi and even pico, what more do you want?
• Run emacs if you like, but I'm not supporting it.
• Yes, I want you all to change all your passwords every 2 weeks.
• (looking suspiciously interested at an MS Windows desktop) You know, it will run twice as fast with Linux..
• (holding Linux installation CD at a complaining MS Windows user) These will solve all your problems.
• I've cleaned out the homedirectories, now there's gygabites of free space.
• What do you mean permission denied? Who's root then?
• Sure, just give me your tape and I'll put it back. You DO have a tape, don't you?
• What do you mean you didn't replace those tapes?!?
• It's only a minor upgrade, the system should be up and running again in 15 minutes.
• Screw you, MickeySoft, here's my PDC, running samba on Solaris!
• So you say comments should be marked as semicolons in stead of hashmarks in this configfile? If I'd only known that yesterday..
• Hmmm, I can smell ozone somewhere...
• It's OK, I've got my swiss armyknife with me.
• 38 degrees in the serverroom? We better start shutting down some machines..
• Where was this cable supposed to be connected?
• Oops.. Just one machine too much on this electric circuit...
• So you want it all? I'm afraid there are still some issues on that indeed, but nothing I can do about it right now.
• Patience is a virtue.
• I've found a better job at...
• Those perms weren't save enough so I've changed them. Is that a problem to you?
• Ole, let's call support. See if they know the answer. They probably don't if I don't, but hey, let's harass them a little. After all, we're paying for these little moments of fun.
• Damn.. And I just went all the way to get that coffee...
• Hey! But that file was here only a minute ago!
• It doesn't act like that on Linux.
• O well, I'm going home.
• I'm leaving in two weeks, you can't expect me to start on a new project now.
• Of course my system is ISO/9001 compliant!
• If it doesn't run Linux, I'm not buying it.
• What do you mean I can't run Linux in this company? You better fire me because I am not going to comply.
• Yes that disk makes a funny sound every now and then, but it's still running.
• That was the only rescue-floppy for this system. You're so lucke we're running Unix and so will probably never need it. But I will remember you if we do.
• Floppies? Here, take these Mickeysoft drivers.
• No, I can't type any quieter than this.
• If only this was a Linux machine, but this.. I'm afraid I can't help you.
• (after an MS-like error) What do you mean I'm having network troubles? You mean you are having networktroubles!
• How very strange...
• NO! Not that button!
• Why are they hiring me anyway...
• Oh, those were YOUR data.. wondered what that rubbish was doing there.
• I'm afraid root now has a shell that doesn't exist...
• I don't care what management says.
• What do I know? You're the one who wrote this application.
• Our servers don't have problems.
• Have you rebooted your machine yet?
• That was all very nice, but now I need this machine, we're short on hadrware as it is.
• Yes, but it's not Open Source.
• That's technology from the previous century.
• The new disks haven't arrived yet. If you'd run Linux, you could use cheapo hardware that's available in large quantities in Belgium.
• Sorry, I can't help it's taking such a long time. The company policy is to make full backups every day, I didn't make that rule.
• My server is right. Your code is wrong.
• No, I can't raise your quota.
• (oversatisfied) Aaaah, the power of Unix :)
• Didn't I tell you this would happen?
• Nope, can't be done. Isn't Unix beautiful?