Fill in this form carefully and I will solve your problem, whatever it may be:
Subject: From:
Describe your problem:
Now, describe the problem accurately:
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
Problem Severity: Minor Minor Minor Trivial
Nature of the problem: Locked Up Frozen Hung Shot
Is your computer plugged in? Yes No
Is it turned on? Yes No
Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes No
Have you made it worse? Yes
Have you read the manual? Yes No
Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes No
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No
Do you think you understood it? Yes No
If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
Do you use a dvorak keyboard? Yes What is dvorak?
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes No
How does this problem make you feel?
Tell me about your childhood.
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes No
Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?
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